Publix Sub Sandwiches Don’t Hate Veggie People Anymore
My subpar 90’s and 2000’s Florida foodie experiences are given heroic redemption arcs
I can count on two hands the number of times, outside of a cooking class requiring me to eat whatever we cooked, when I have eaten pork largely semi-against my will. Yea, in the days when the only meat I ate was fish or beef, and on weekends. 🧐 Let’s examine.
That time at Hy-Vee when I got a pork tenderloin, a schnitzel for the USA Midwest. Someone told me it’s all they had. OK, so this wasn’t bad. Not my pick, but it wasn’t bad.
That other time on the UT Austin campus at Jester Hall. No, not the buffet area, the downstairs where things got fancy, and you had like a whole cafeteria of cozy options, Tex-Mex and more. A dare. This lovely man who worked there on a chef team moved from the Midwest and said he’d make me the best pork tenderloin ever, bring it to school, give it to me when I bought food at his station. I did. He was right. He made the pork taste good.
Nashville. 2004. Really nice people gave me their excessive leftover BBQ pulled pork catering. I’ll admit, this was fantastic. Shhh.
That one situation with horrendous Chinese BBQ pork. Someone told me to get it. I didn’t see what the fuss was about.
A weird dry grilled pork chop in Missouri when someone else ordered for me. Uh, no. I knew it was dry by visually looking at it, and it’s PORK. BABE. PIG IN THE CITY WHO GOT EATEN. THAT’LL DO PIG.
Pigs in a blanket, Illinois diner.
Weird, burned bacon strips. Same diner. Didn’t learn my lesson.
😠 Visiting South Florida. Surrounded by pork galore. Pork rinds. Pork hair pins, I wouldn’t be surprised. Pork subs. Ham in everything. Pork shampoo. Pork after shave. Well, my mom forced me to eat pork awkwardly, pleasing a guest awkwardly, because she wanted me to make the person comfortable and for me “to try it.” I ate it it like this. 🤮🤢😬🤨😢😭☹️😔
For years now, people remind me, “Come back to Publix!” A younger man I worked with before our gig together had been a legendary Publix sub maker. This year, several folks told me, “There’s stuff you can eat now!” Sure, Jan. My roast beef experiences at Publix circa 1997-2002, were, “Huh, excuse me, you know I only eat hamburgers and boring food,” to which I was told to quit complaining by my parents who bought me roast beef like they never heard of meatless sushi.
Well, there is. For mostly vegan unless I’m around vegetarian Mexican food like huevos rancheros me, she who has eaten actual cities in Mexico and snacked on the Frida house thinking it was more food 🥳, has found…
THE VEGGIE SUB. You can alter it minus the super yucky iceberg shredded lettuce and dumping off cheese, adding on wild ingredients!
BLACK BEAN BURGER SUB. FALAFEL SUB. Probably more, if I go through it.
This cannot be Florida. Could it? My younger self who loves Key West, Florida stuff, plastic flamingo yard decor, could…it is!
And thus, I am now looking forward to my future journeys to Florida. The world hasn’t gone to shreds in 2025.
