I Want a Typewriter for Better Screenwriting, Probably, I Guess

Because this Apple snob wants something snobbier

This We R Memory Keepers Typecast Typewriter model looks fancy. As if you pen BAFTA winning screenplays, but it’s not so fancy you fear using it. Comes in this shade, or pink. If you find it in stock. So kawaii.

I don’t know how to feel about new typewriters. They seem untrustworthy. The old ones were made for eternal mood swings you turn into hit movies. Maybe these aren’t so good based on the bad reviews. Then I read the good reviews, getting confused all over again. #drama 🤯

The Retrospekt.com typewriters are catching my attention. That store delivers what it promises. Would I be OK with one of those? #moredrama

“Do you plan on using a laptop and a sweet looking typewriter both?” Yes. That’s the dream. Possibly.

My proudly holier than thou snobbish screenwriting setup at the moment is a self refurbished late 2008 MacBook aluminium model, originally purchased from the flagship NYC store in early 2009. I refitted it with entirely new inner parts in a process over the years that may bore everyone but the awesome dude our president calls “Tim Apple.” My new old laptop is FAST. To which, thank you Mr. Cook for your team of geniuses always being available for my weird questions at 11 pm west coast time working from their homes in where, upstate California, my saying, “Help me get why I don’t have Logic Pro’s new instruments, please, this is a big deal laptop to me. My first ever MacBook.” Weeks pass for my announcement. “Oooooh, hold on. I just solved the puzzle! All I did was ‘INSERT CODE INTO COMPUTER BYPASSING OBSOLETE EARLY 2010’s WEB BROWSER PROTOCOLS SO NOW I CAN USE ANY WEB BROWSER STUFF I PLEASE AND DOWNLOAD AWAY.’ Hey, it downloaded; please share for anyone who needs the download on an old MacBook!” For people giving me A+ service and listening to me on the phone then in a e-mail support ticket, for a product sold 16 and a half years ago, that’s 1 million on a scale of 10/10 customer care. Apple puts up with a lot from me when I haven’t had a bite o’burger yet. Kindly. Thank you, Apple.

I double think purchases. A lot.

Frugal me wonders, would I mess up the ink ribbons? Would I get bored and only use the computer? What Minions movie minion is going to transcribe my paper screenplays onto my laptop so I can rework them into finished drafts? What if the bad reviews on the new typewriters are true? That these are decorative, and they suck for actual typewriting?

“Don’t you have newer Apple computers, Apple snob?” I do. A 2013 11” MacBook Air and a 2022 13” MacBook Air. Both superior to your PCs. 👻 Don’t you know the secret rule of creative work? Anything successful is born written on “obsolete” tech. And, my laptop hardshell cover is translucent pink. Proven to increase work success rates by 250% and certified to win you an Oscar someday in this lifetime.

We had a dumpy, grey, 80’s typewriter at my family’s house when I was a young child of the 90’s. It didn’t work well. The ink went everywhere. No glam. Not a typewriter I missed out on. Someone probably broke it. Its whereabouts are unknown to my adult self.

Yeah. I don’t know what else to say. Big life decision here. I’m not making an impulse buy.