I Am Done Acting in Everyday Conversations, the Acting Role of “Me”
Also known as people pleasing to people who will always be mean
Truth be told, I was done with this some time ago. Acting. To be an actress. Never to be confused with method acting, which I’ve done, or method screenwriting. Showing up as “you,” the version who never existed, because to give away hints of your true self frighten you in the face of creepy types.
No. You. Acting. Actor. Actress. Pick your title. Real you is dull. You cannot let someone else know how bad you feel right now. Your caveman era warning bells are going off in your vibes. Talking a little faster or enthusiastically to sound peppy and friendly. You’re doing a sales ad audition for a new dish soap! Now, sold in “Nicole has to talk to someone she doesn’t want to, who she never spoke with in her whole life, to please a parent/teacher/authority figure/someone else.”
You have the feeling these people are bad. Nothing you say or do, or choose to avoiding saying or doing, is the right answer.
The last time this happened, I think, was possibly a year and a half. Two years ago? I was trying to, this morning, imagine personal narrative essays to stuff into this diary, like I’m back in school. This is one of them.
The right people you enjoy meeting for work or private life feel organic. You know it when it happens.
I’m tired of acting like I sell Oxy Clean as seen on television to sound “kind” to people who are going to belittle me or gossip about me in malicious made up stories. The right answer is to never be in the room, and never, ever take those phone calls. Trust those gut instincts. Growing up, nobody ever told the boys to do this. Us girls had it forced upon. Fake personality training starts young.
So sorry, not, I will be away, busy being me in my normal speech pattern and boring self with the wildlife outside. Not talking to negative people like any of you.
Original “I Grow Forward” artwork by me below, for anyone needing a visual reminder that playing an acting role in the reality of your life as “you,” is always another form of unnecessary people pleasing. Undo that training.
